Offscreen Adventures
by DWluver
Summary: The Doctor references many off screen adventures. These are just some head-canon oneshots that came to me.
1. The Electric Kite

**The Electric Kite**

_My mate Ben, that was a day and a half. I got rope burns off that kite, and then I got soaked. And then I got electrocuted!_

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. That is the property of BBC. If I did own Doctor Who, David Tennant wouldn't have left.

Benjamin Franklin looked up from the kite he was making to test his theory about lightning when a loud wheezing noise filled the room. He grinned as the blue box materialized in the room. The door opened and a familiar face poked out.

"Ah, Doctor! I see you got my message?"

"Yeah, psychic paper, works every time. You wanted help?"

"Yes, I'm trying to test out my theory on lightning, but I require someone who won't be killed if they accidentally get struck by lightning."

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "That's nice! And here I was thinking that you just wanted a chat, but you're looking for a _test subject_!"

"Doctor, you owe me after the Cryionians."

"Oh, alright. Blimey, you pull the 'I saved you from Cryionians' card a lot!"

They spent the rest of the day building the kite, and then settled down to wait.

The Doctor stuck out his tongue, tasting the air. "Thunderstorm moving in, should be here by this time tomorrow."

"Good. Would you like to stay over?"

"Sure, just let me move the TARDIS."

Over the course of the next day, the Doctor cleaned Ben's entire house, read all the books in the library twice, taught three rats to do the hula, wrote, edited, and published a thesis on the evolution of the Judoon, successfully relocated an out-of-sorts Ratokrainian, and learned how to make chocolate-rasberry cake. As the two sat down to eat the 59th attempt at the cake, the first rumble of thunder sounded. Ben sighed with relief. The Doctor made reasonably good cake, but after about the tenth slice, one did get a bit tired of it.

"Alright, Doctor, lets go."

The experiment was a disaster, or a huge success, depending on which person you ask.

The wind nearly ripped the kite out of the Doctor's hands, and he yelped as he tightened his grasp. "Ow, ow, ow, ow! Rope burn!" He went to let go, but Ben glared at him.

"Don't let go! If you do, all our work will be lost!"

The Doctor held on as the first of the raindrops hit them. The intensity of the storm rapidly increased and soon the Doctor was soaked to the skin. Ben was perfectly dry under the covered porch. "Sorry, Doctor, can't risk the paper getting wet."

The Doctor glared at him, and he grinned back. And then the lightning struck the kite. The results were just as Ben had expected. He wrote down the results, and walked out to where the Doctor was reeling in the kite. "Just as I expected. Thank you, Doctor."

The Doctor grinned at him, handing him the kite. "There you go, Ben. Got the results you needed?"

"Yes, the kite was very effective." He turned to walk back, when the air suddenly tasted of ozone. Ben heard the Doctor mutter _'Oh damn'_.

As Ben whirled around, he saw a jagged fork of lightning zap the Doctor, who shuddered for the strike, and then collapsed. Ben dropped the kite and ran to haul the Doctor to safety. Well, it wasn't like lightning was deadly to Timelords…


	2. Genghis Khan

**Genghis Khan**

_The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan couldn't get through those doors, and believe me, they tried!_

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. Doctor Who and all it's rights belong to BBC. I wish I owned Doctor Who, though I would settle for David Tennant.

A/N: I got a request for another chapter to the Electric Kite. I'll be adding other chapters based on quotes from the episodes. If you have any specific requests, tell me in a review. I'll update within a week of the suggestion.

The Doctor glanced over his shoulder and ran faster. He hadn't _meant_ to cause any trouble, how was he to know that the Mongolians wouldn't take kindly to him taking that horse? How was he to know that said horse belonged to Genghis Khan?

An arrow whizzed past his ear. _Right, have to get to the TARDIS_. He raced around a boulder, and hurriedly unlocked the doors, slamming them shut behind him. The Doctor laughed as the banging started. He hadn't been meaning to cause trouble, he really hadn't, but when you're running from a group of angry Sycorax, you do what have to. Including stealing a horse.

_The Sycorax snarled as he dashed ahead. "Oh, go back to your ship! I didn't disable your engines, just your weapons! And in fairness, you were trying to conquer the world!" The Sycorax leader ignored him, instead choosing to order the other three after him. As he dashed into a campground, he leapt onto the first horse he could find. "I hope it doesn't belong to anyone important," he mumbled under his breath, "Then I'd have two groups chasing me."_

He shouldn't have tempted fate. The Mongols were still hacking at the door, but so far they hadn't managed to make a singe scratch. It was getting rather boring watching them on the monitor, so he started the flight sequence. _If anything, it'll be worth it to see the looks of=n their faces when I disappear into thin air!_

When a group of twelfth century Mongols saw a blue box disappear into thin air, they did the natural thing. They paled drastically, screamed, and ran away. Still screaming.

Later, when a shop girl named Rose protested about hiding in a wooden box, he said the first assurance that came to mind. "The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan couldn't get through those doors, and believe me, they tried."


	3. Off With His Head

**Off with his head**

A/N So I got this quote from Paradox Predator, sorry if I was late with updating…

_"And then we realized it was the real king, not the robot one! Fortunately, I was able to reattach his head..."_

The Doctor and Amy waited around the corner as the robot king approached. The robots had been quite a problem; they kept replacing and imitating important historical figures. Amy had actually come up with the idea for getting rid of them. They had met the Queen of Hearts (She was an actual person, but she was a psychic alien on the planet of Kaleen) and had taken her suggestions quite seriously. So not they were tracking down the robots, and it was "Off with their head!" In the Doctor's opinion, Amy was having much too much fun decapitating the impostors.

The Robo-king rounded the corner, and Amy leapt at him with a battle cry. The sword swung into the robot's neck…

And blood spurted out. Amy and the Doctor stared at the king – the real king! – in horror. Then the Doctor was lunging forward, sonicking the head.

He turned to Amy. "Amy, grab the body, we need to get him to the TARDIS!"

She grabbed the body under the arms, looking stunned. "Did I just assassinate Henry the Eighth?"

"Yep."

Once they got the king to the med-bay, the Doctor set to work, for once living up to his name. About five hours later, they finally had a whole, and most importantly, living, king. He was, unfortunately, still unconscious.

The Doctor and Amy left the king in his bedroom. They then proceeded to decapitate the robot. Of course, when they told Rory, he didn't believe them. Typical.


End file.
